July 6, 2014 · 4 comments · Categories: Musings · Tags:

Before we kept our appointment calendars on our phones and computers, my husband and I had Day-Timer daily planners with calendars made of that antiquated substance, paper. Even after we stopped buying the calendars, we didn’t throw away the pretty leather covers because we liked them so well. So they just sat in our study for years, at the back of a shelf, until I found them last week.
 

Day-Timer daily planners from 2001 

The one with brown leather, open to February 2001, was my husband’s planner. The burgundy was mine. After taking this photo for my post, I was going to throw them away, but still hadn’t quite convinced myself to do the deed. After all, some people still have daily planners with paper calendars—they’re not totally obsolete. And maybe there was some other possible use for them. I had to give myself a stern lecture on not rationalizing my clutter before I could bring myself to dispose of them. Technology has been advancing so quickly that sometimes we just have to get rid of old stuff, even though it is not worn out, because it lacks the usefulness it once had.

About Clutter Comedy: Every Sunday (which I envision as a day of rest after a productive week of de-cluttering) I post a Clutter Comedy article describing my most memorable clutter discovery of the week. Other bloggers who wish to join in are welcome—just post a link in the comments! There’s no need to publish any “before” photos of your clutter, if they are too embarrassing. The idea is simply to get motivated to clean it up, while having a bit of fun too!

Once upon a time, when I was a little girl in a world that felt like it was made of stories, my mom would call me away from playing make-believe when it was time for lunch. Usually, lunch was a grilled cheese sandwich with a glass of milk, or a cream cheese and jelly sandwich with a glass of milk. My mom was always a big believer in making sure little girls got plenty of calcium to build healthy bones. She gave me milk with every meal all through my childhood.

She didn’t have as much success getting me to eat my veggies, though she found some creative approaches like telling me artichoke leaves were a special treat because they were so fun to dip in melted butter. (People didn’t worry much about cholesterol and fat in those days.) Of course my tastes changed when I grew up; now I often eat a sandwich on a bun, along with a salad or fruit. But I decided to have something different for lunch today—a grilled cheese sandwich cut on the diagonal, like my mom made.
 

grilled cheese sandwich 

I never knew why she cut sandwiches like this—maybe so that my sister and I would be more likely to eat the crusts? The grilled cheese sandwich shown in this picture isn’t quite the same, of course. Wide loaves of bread weren’t popular when I was a child, so the bread would have been square; and it would have been white bread, not the whole-grain variety I ate today.

But even though it wasn’t exactly the same, looking at that sandwich on my plate gave me a comforting feeling that all was right with the world. I had a sense of being well cared for, along with a lighter, playful mood. Although it’s not literally possible to go back to childhood (and most of us wouldn’t really want to do that anyway), finding the little things that trigger those memories can go a long way toward bringing feelings of love and nurturing into our present-day lives.

Nurturing Thursday was started by Becca Givens and seeks to “give this planet a much needed shot of fun, support and positive energy.” Visit her site to find more Nurturing Thursday posts and a list of frequent contributors.

My goal for this year is to clear away the clutter that has accumulated in my life, both external and internal. I want to free up plenty of room in my home and in my thoughts for cultivating peace, beauty, and joy. I don’t need dusty old junk taking up space in my home, and I don’t need depressing negative thoughts taking up space in my head either. All that stuff has to go!

Looking back over my blog entries at the year’s halfway point, I see that I’ve posted much more often recently. I feel that the work I’ve done toward de-cluttering both my environment and my thoughts has made space for creative energy to come out and play! More often now, ideas pop into my head for future posts, and I jot them down without feeling obligated to follow through with any particular one.

In the past when I kept a page of notes about things I had in mind to write, I felt a sense of pressure. It was like looking at a to-do list. The fewer items on the list at any given time, the more pressure there was. In the back of my mind, I worried that I might run out of ideas or that it might take forever to turn any of them into worthwhile entries. To some extent, I’m sure that became a self-fulfilling prophecy. I didn’t fully trust that there would be more ideas where they came from. I also didn’t fully appreciate that a blog is mainly just supposed to be FUN.

Now my thoughts are flowing much more smoothly—or at least, I am having an easier time composing everyday life and stream-of-consciousness posts. I don’t know why I haven’t been writing much fiction, though. When I started this blog, I planned to post a well-balanced mix of stories and essays on the general theme of modern life. Before that I’d been posting stories to creative writers’ private lists, whose members gave me good constructive feedback, and writing nonfiction articles for various projects. A blog combining both types of writing seemed like a natural progression; but this year, for whatever reason, there hasn’t been much fiction coming to mind.

The conventional advice would be to set aside some time every day for writing stories, even if I didn’t feel inspired. As with any other activity, regular practice would help with getting back in the flow. I haven’t done it, though, because I feel as if there ought to be some other approach that does not require turning my fiction into a daily chore. Yes, keeping to a regular schedule improves focus, both in writing and in other areas of life—but all too often, people force themselves to do something and it just feels like drudgery.  By way of comparison, we all know people who run on a treadmill regularly and hate it, but they never take the time to try other kinds of exercise that they might actually enjoy.  Put simply, I want to be more creative when it comes to nurturing my creativity. I want to invite abundant energy into my life, so that the stories spontaneously bubble over. And I feel that I’d benefit from looking at it in the same way as finding the right physical exercise—that is, experiment with different ways of going about it, and discover what brings me the most joy.

Have you ever had a time when writing prose seemed easy, but you just couldn’t get your fiction flowing? If so, how did you deal with it?

Edited on July 4: On reflection, I suspect I’m overthinking it. I probably should just do the same as with the nonfiction posts—that is, write down ideas for stories as they come to mind, without putting pressure on myself to complete them in any particular order.

On Friday, my daughter baked macadamia nut cookies with white chocolate chips (yum). After the plastic measuring cups and spoons got washed, I took them out of the dishwasher and was going to put them away in a kitchen drawer, when I noticed that it looked awfully cluttered. I started taking things out and found a big tangle of old straws at the back of the drawer.
 

straws 

The straws came with kids’ meals from fast-food restaurants many years ago. Then they got stuffed in the drawer and forgotten. I don’t think anybody even looked at them in the past decade or so. The straw with a man’s head is the “George of the Jungle” cartoon character, and it used to make a noise like a wild man’s yell when you drank through it. The kids thought that was pretty funny at the time. It doesn’t make any sound now; but even if it still worked, the only thing any of us would laugh about is how long it sat around cluttering up the drawer.

About Clutter Comedy: Every Sunday (which I envision as a day of rest after a productive week of de-cluttering) I post a Clutter Comedy article describing my most memorable clutter discovery of the week. Other bloggers who wish to join in are welcome—just post a link in the comments! There’s no need to publish any “before” photos of your clutter, if they are too embarrassing. The idea is simply to get motivated to clean it up, while having a bit of fun too!

To freshen up our bedroom for spring, my husband and I bought a new comforter and sheet set at the end of March. We didn’t replace the pillows, though, because we had been sleeping just fine on the old ones and they were hidden away inside their cases, where we wouldn’t see them. So we thought, why spend money replacing them when it wasn’t necessary?

But the problem with that attitude, as I later realized, was that although we didn’t see them every day, they weren’t really hidden either. I still had to look at four dingy, yellowed, ancient, squashed pillows every time I washed the bedding. Instead of fully appreciating the pretty new comforter, sheets, and pillow shams, laundry day meant (yuck!) looking at this:
 

old pillows 

Even though the old pillows were out of sight most of the time, they weren’t out of mind. Finally it dawned on me that the cost-avoidance of not replacing the pillows wasn’t nearly worth the aggravation they were causing me. So I bought four new pillows. Now the bed is all nice and fresh, with cozy fluffy white pillows in both the cases and the shams—a big improvement for a small cost. So much more comfy!
 

new pillow in case 

In the future I’ll keep in mind that just because something is not out in plain view, that doesn’t mean it should be kept around forever. Even if it’s still functional and nobody else can see how worn out and ugly it has gotten, it detracts from our own enjoyment because we know it’s there. Although money doesn’t buy happiness, being overly frugal can cause us to feel that we’ve been deprived of life’s simple comforts. And those comforts—including the ordinary things we see in the house—have more of an effect on our happiness than we may realize.

Nurturing Thursday was started by Becca Givens and seeks to “give this planet a much needed shot of fun, support and positive energy.” Visit her site to find more Nurturing Thursday posts and a list of frequent contributors.

To read all posts in this series from the beginning, click here.

 

The more we reflect on our circumstances, the more insight we develop. And words, by their very nature, are not always as precise as they could be. So it’s not literally possible to put together an exact description of our shortcomings at the fifth step of a recovery program. Even if we think it’s exact at the time, there will always be something that looks different as we gain more perspective.

When we’ve made our best efforts to identify the problems, though, it’s time to move on to Step Six, which is to be “entirely ready” for their removal. This task, like the previous one, is harder than it looks. After all, we wouldn’t have addictions if we didn’t enjoy something about them. So what’s called for at Step Six is complete willingness to give up that enjoyment, now that we have learned it’s not worth the harm.

Truth be told, there are plenty of things we like about our negative thinking. All that drama is exciting and makes us feel powerful. When we get in the habit of blaming others, we don’t have to think about our own responsibilities and whether we could have done better. Instead, we can imagine ourselves as righteous comic-book heroes valiantly defending truth and justice. And when others criticize us, we can play the victim and wallow in self-pity, whining about how mean and unfair they are.

That’s a lot to give up, even after realizing how much our negative thinking damages our relationships and sucks the joy out of our experiences. To be entirely ready to live without negativity, we must be willing to live without fault-finding and excuses. While that doesn’t mean going to the opposite extreme and blaming ourselves every time something goes wrong, it does call for withholding judgment and considering that there might be other explanations.

Just as we can’t fully understand our own circumstances because there are always more details on which to reflect, our understanding of others’ circumstances also is limited and incomplete. We don’t know exactly what caused them to act as they did. Often it’s not an evil premeditated motive, but just confusion or misunderstanding. Maybe they’re cranky because they didn’t get enough sleep, had a bad day at work, are feeling unwell, or have other problems we don’t know about. In short, their behavior probably doesn’t have much to do with us at all. They’re not really enemies—just ordinary people struggling with their own problems.

Although taking this perspective may seem harder than jumping to the familiar negative assumptions, it doesn’t really consume more time or mental energy. Because of the mind’s tendency to dwell on unpleasant incidents, when we assume that someone is deliberately being malicious, we’re likely to ruminate about the incident for a long time—which is not only a waste of time and energy, but also causes us to feel miserable for no good reason.

One morning in early May, a woman I had just met made an uncalled-for remark about my appearance. At first I was annoyed; but then I thought, well, she doesn’t know me either, so this can’t be about me. She must have been in a bad mood for her own personal reasons. That observation gave me enough emotional distance not to let her remark upset me. I later learned that she was depressed about losing her hair while she was in chemotherapy and that she was jealous of my hair.

When we understand that as a general rule, there’s no need to take other people’s behavior too seriously because they are not really trying to do us any harm, we can become genuinely ready to let go of that unhealthy old pattern of negative assumptions.

 

Click here to read Recovering from Negativity, Step Seven.

It’s probably hard to tell what the photo shown below is supposed to be. Back in 1980 or thereabouts, it was a music box with a dancing bird in a cage. A friend gave it to me, and I kept it all these years just because it was a nice cheerful gift. When I moved to my current home, I put the music box on a shelf and forgot all about it until I tidied the shelf this week. The plastic cage fell apart as soon as I picked it up.
 

birdcage music box 

Just out of curiosity, I tried winding it to see if it would still play the music, but nothing. I’m sure the workings got so clogged with dust that there was no way anything could move. Maybe it could have been fixed, but there didn’t seem to be much reason to try, so I pitched it.  Some old gifts might be worth keeping; but when something gets totally forgotten about and falls apart on a shelf, I’d say it has reached its sentimental-value expiration date.

About Clutter Comedy: Every Sunday (which I envision as a day of rest after a productive week of de-cluttering) I post a Clutter Comedy article describing my most memorable clutter discovery of the week. Other bloggers who wish to join in are welcome—just post a link in the comments! There’s no need to publish any “before” photos of your clutter, if they are too embarrassing. The idea is simply to get motivated to clean it up, while having a bit of fun too!

I’ve mentioned in recent posts that I have been busy cleaning up dust and clutter around my house. Last week my husband cleaned up some dust too, though he hadn’t planned on it. Our air conditioner had gotten very noisy and seemed like it was running much longer than it should have been, so he took it apart to see what the problem might be. He is very handy, but had never worked on the air conditioner before, so was not quite sure what to expect. He thought maybe something had rattled loose inside. As it turned out, the problem was that the condenser had gotten clogged with dust and lint.
 

air conditioner 

The small white plastic screen on the wall in the background of this photo is the cover for the dryer vent. It’s too close to the air conditioner, which we hadn’t thought about before, and lint from the dryer had been getting sucked into the condenser. Over the years, enough of it had accumulated to be a problem. So, when my husband saw that, he figured he’d just vacuum it off with his ShopVac. But it was caked on so tightly that it didn’t budge, so he ended up having to hose it off. The cleanup took a lot longer than the quick repair he’d had in mind; but the air conditioner is doing much better now—it’s running less often, which should save us money on the power bill. And it’s quiet, hooray! When old appliances get noisy, people tend to get used to it and not think much about it; but the house feels so much more comfortable without the noise! It’s a useful reminder that if we’re to nurture ourselves properly, we need to pay attention to the little things around us and make sure they’re in good order.

Nurturing Thursday was started by Becca Givens and seeks to “give this planet a much needed shot of fun, support and positive energy.” Visit her site to find more Nurturing Thursday posts and a list of frequent contributors.

Although one wouldn’t know it from the sensational news headlines, both war and violent crime are at historically low rates and are still falling across the globe. For the first time since our ancestors emerged from caves and got organized enough to raise armies, most of the world’s population has never seen the horrors of war firsthand.

Yet battlefield metaphors and imagery are commonplace in modern life. Our cultural narratives lag behind our modern realities. The stories we tell ourselves to make sense of our world are drawn largely from our ancestors’ everyday lives, as well as their customary word choices. We still have many folk sayings that refer to horses, for instance, even though people have been driving cars for more than a century. Our history shapes our thoughts much more than we realize it does.

Put another way, the world’s long history of war has left us with the cultural expectation of going to war. Subconsciously, we think of ourselves as soldiers, even though most of us haven’t actually served. We watch popular movies full of epic battles, read sword-and-sorcery novels, and play war games on our computers. Public policy decisions often are characterized as going to war, such as “war on drugs.” If we have a medical condition (or a family member does), we’re likely to think of it as an evil monster we must fight bravely to slay. Today’s political factions are always battling over one thing or another. Social advocacy is commonly described as fighting for a cause.

Last week I visited the blog Rambling Woods, an amateur naturalist’s site, and read a post about monarch butterflies. Monarchs migrate annually, and they lay their eggs only on milkweed, which no longer grows in cornfields because of herbicide use made possible by genetically modified corn. An article referenced in the blog post encouraged people to fight to save the monarch migration by planting milkweed.

There’s an area in my backyard where I would like to plant native wildflowers, and I commented on the blog that I’ll make sure to include milkweed. It’s certainly a worthwhile project, helping to restore the monarch population while also planting attractive landscaping. But if I had to pick one word to describe this image, “fight” would not be the first one that came to mind.

 

monarch on milkweed

(photo credit: publicdomainpictures.net)
 

Six years ago, I began doing volunteer work for the Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN), a nonprofit organization that teaches leadership and self-advocacy skills, publishes educational materials, and addresses public policy issues relating to autism from a disability rights perspective. I serve in the position of board secretary, which consists of preparing agendas for board meetings, keeping the minutes, and generally keeping the board’s documents organized. It’s a mundane job, but every corporate board needs a secretary; and I see it as a way to do some good in the world.

Although one might think an educational charity wouldn’t be controversial, ASAN, like many other groups, has had to deal with the unpleasant reality of today’s battle-primed social environment. People who fight for causes naturally expect to find enemies; it’s implied in the metaphor. There are many causes relating to autism—research, services, education, disability rights, and more. So it’s not surprising that people would have strong feelings about particular issues and that there would be arguments.

But there was some major ugliness online a few years ago that went way beyond ordinary arguments, turning into virtual scorched-earth warfare among the supporters of various factions. Rambling conspiracy theories, nasty gossip from the gutter, et cetera. No doubt the people responsible for that stuff saw it as perfectly justified—after all, they were at war and fighting to destroy their enemies, and war isn’t supposed to be pretty.

The situation calmed down after a while. I’m still reflecting on the broader issues, though—all the negativity we take for granted in society, and the addictive nature of the resulting drama. War is exciting; that’s why it plays a central role in so many of our stories. But when we constantly feel that we’re at war, it becomes exhausting and harmful. After all, war is scary and people get killed; so having one’s thoughts full of battlefield images naturally leads to feeling that one’s life is in danger, with all the resulting anxiety.

At first, it’s empowering to imagine ourselves as righteous soldiers fighting valiantly for our causes. We feel strong and motivated. We pour our energy into the fight, and we get things done. It may take years before we realize how depleted we’ve become—both mentally and physically. Even when we’re not actively battling against our perceived enemies, we still have those old arguments replaying themselves in our heads, uselessly sucking up even more energy. Then we’re left with chronic run-down feelings, and possibly more serious health problems besides. When we reach that point, we end up not getting much done at all, either for our causes or in our personal lives. Joy becomes a distant memory.

 

occasion

(word-art image courtesy of Bits of Positivity)
 

When I was nine years old, my grandma gave me a set of old Christian novels she had bought at a garage sale. Presumably she meant to instill good old-fashioned moral values in my impressionable young mind. I have to admit, I was more interested in Nancy Drew mysteries at that age; but I did read the books after a while. One of them, White Banners by Lloyd C. Douglas (1936), must have made more of an impression than I realized at the time. I’ve had it in my thoughts recently because it explored the practical benefits of avoiding battles in everyday life.

The author’s premise was that when we choose to walk away from disputes, we usually gain more than we lose. In addition to building character, it gives us more time and energy to put toward useful work. The title comes from a passage describing this approach to life as flying white banners, not white flags of surrender. Even though winning a dispute may feel like a great victory, chances are it’s not as productive as the work that might otherwise have been accomplished.

I would also say that avoiding unnecessary conflict promotes self-awareness. Often we don’t even notice all the battle metaphors in our thoughts. Because they’re everywhere in our society, they seem like the normal way to look at things. It takes a conscious effort to consider other perspectives and to shift our thoughts in more positive directions. Instead of fighting for our causes on an imagined gory battlefield, we can simply choose to put on our gardening gloves and get busy planting those seedlings. The work will get done just as effectively (and perhaps more so) without the drama; and it’s a much healthier way to go through life.

June 15, 2014 · 2 comments · Categories: Musings · Tags:

When we furnished our house 12 years ago, my husband and I bought an outdoor table and chair set for the deck. So that there would be enough chairs when we had more company, we also got a stack of white plastic chairs from a discount store. The plastic chairs were left in a corner of the deck when not in use. They didn’t take up much space, and we paid very little attention to them. Not surprisingly, after being left outside for years, they got so icky that nobody wanted to sit in them anymore. Wasps built a nest under them one year, as I found out the hard way. Hosing them off didn’t do much to remove the crud. They needed some major scrubbing, but we never got around to it.
 

old chairs 

Then we thought we’d get some nice new chairs to replace them, but we never got around to that either. So they were still just sitting out on the deck this spring, looking yuckier than ever. I finally put on some old clothes and carried them out to the curb, after which I left my grimy clothes on the laundry room floor and promptly took a shower. I was wondering if a scavenger might come around in a pickup truck and take the chairs, as they looked like they’d be salvageable with enough time and effort. But as it turned out, the neighbors promptly noticed the chairs and asked if they could have them for a graduation party. Of course, we were happy to oblige. After the chairs had been cluttering our deck for years, such that we never wanted to see them again, we were glad they would be put to good use!

About Clutter Comedy: Every Sunday (which I envision as a day of rest after a productive week of de-cluttering) I post a Clutter Comedy article describing my most memorable clutter discovery of the week. Other bloggers who wish to join in are welcome—just post a link in the comments! There’s no need to publish any “before” photos of your clutter, if they are too embarrassing. The idea is simply to get motivated to clean it up, while having a bit of fun too!