Meg Evans

Once upon a time, when I was a little girl in a world that felt like it was made of stories, my mom would call me away from playing make-believe when it was time for lunch. Usually, lunch was a grilled cheese sandwich with a glass of milk, or a cream cheese and jelly sandwich with a glass of milk. My mom was always a big believer in making sure little girls got plenty of calcium to build healthy bones. She gave me milk with every meal all through my childhood.

She didn’t have as much success getting me to eat my veggies, though she found some creative approaches like telling me artichoke leaves were a special treat because they were so fun to dip in melted butter. (People didn’t worry much about cholesterol and fat in those days.) Of course my tastes changed when I grew up; now I often eat a sandwich on a bun, along with a salad or fruit. But I decided to have something different for lunch today—a grilled cheese sandwich cut on the diagonal, like my mom made.
 

I never knew why she cut sandwiches like this—maybe so that my sister and I would be more likely to eat the crusts? The grilled cheese sandwich shown in this picture isn’t quite the same, of course. Wide loaves of bread weren’t popular when I was a child, so the bread would have been square; and it would have been white bread, not the whole-grain variety I ate today.

But even though it wasn’t exactly the same, looking at that sandwich on my plate gave me a comforting feeling that all was right with the world. I had a sense of being well cared for, along with a lighter, playful mood. Although it’s not literally possible to go back to childhood (and most of us wouldn’t really want to do that anyway), finding the little things that trigger those memories can go a long way toward bringing feelings of love and nurturing into our present-day lives.

Nurturing Thursday was started by Becca Givens and seeks to “give this planet a much needed shot of fun, support and positive energy.” Visit her site to find more Nurturing Thursday posts and a list of frequent contributors.

To freshen up our bedroom for spring, my husband and I bought a new comforter and sheet set at the end of March. We didn’t replace the pillows, though, because we had been sleeping just fine on the old ones and they were hidden away inside their cases, where we wouldn’t see them. So we thought, why spend money replacing them when it wasn’t necessary?

But the problem with that attitude, as I later realized, was that although we didn’t see them every day, they weren’t really hidden either. I still had to look at four dingy, yellowed, ancient, squashed pillows every time I washed the bedding. Instead of fully appreciating the pretty new comforter, sheets, and pillow shams, laundry day meant (yuck!) looking at this:
 

Even though the old pillows were out of sight most of the time, they weren’t out of mind. Finally it dawned on me that the cost-avoidance of not replacing the pillows wasn’t nearly worth the aggravation they were causing me. So I bought four new pillows. Now the bed is all nice and fresh, with cozy fluffy white pillows in both the cases and the shams—a big improvement for a small cost. So much more comfy!
 

In the future I’ll keep in mind that just because something is not out in plain view, that doesn’t mean it should be kept around forever. Even if it’s still functional and nobody else can see how worn out and ugly it has gotten, it detracts from our own enjoyment because we know it’s there. Although money doesn’t buy happiness, being overly frugal can cause us to feel that we’ve been deprived of life’s simple comforts. And those comforts—including the ordinary things we see in the house—have more of an effect on our happiness than we may realize.

Nurturing Thursday was started by Becca Givens and seeks to “give this planet a much needed shot of fun, support and positive energy.” Visit her site to find more Nurturing Thursday posts and a list of frequent contributors.

I’ve mentioned in recent posts that I have been busy cleaning up dust and clutter around my house. Last week my husband cleaned up some dust too, though he hadn’t planned on it. Our air conditioner had gotten very noisy and seemed like it was running much longer than it should have been, so he took it apart to see what the problem might be. He is very handy, but had never worked on the air conditioner before, so was not quite sure what to expect. He thought maybe something had rattled loose inside. As it turned out, the problem was that the condenser had gotten clogged with dust and lint.
 

The small white plastic screen on the wall in the background of this photo is the cover for the dryer vent. It’s too close to the air conditioner, which we hadn’t thought about before, and lint from the dryer had been getting sucked into the condenser. Over the years, enough of it had accumulated to be a problem. So, when my husband saw that, he figured he’d just vacuum it off with his ShopVac. But it was caked on so tightly that it didn’t budge, so he ended up having to hose it off. The cleanup took a lot longer than the quick repair he’d had in mind; but the air conditioner is doing much better now—it’s running less often, which should save us money on the power bill. And it’s quiet, hooray! When old appliances get noisy, people tend to get used to it and not think much about it; but the house feels so much more comfortable without the noise! It’s a useful reminder that if we’re to nurture ourselves properly, we need to pay attention to the little things around us and make sure they’re in good order.

Nurturing Thursday was started by Becca Givens and seeks to “give this planet a much needed shot of fun, support and positive energy.” Visit her site to find more Nurturing Thursday posts and a list of frequent contributors.

Although I usually give at least some forethought to choosing new plants, I impulsively bought a gardenia while doing my grocery shopping in March, which left me wondering if the bitterly cold winter had deprived me of all common sense. I just wanted something new and green!  After getting home and belatedly realizing that I had no clue what to do with the gardenia, I put it in my kitchen until the weather finally turned warm enough to put it outside. Only then did I start thinking about where it might go.  The front porch wouldn’t do—too shady. I bought a pot with a “Welcome” message, but was still pondering where to put the plant after I repotted it. Had I foolishly bought something for which I had no use? Thankfully, my husband came to the rescue by suggesting that it would look good outside the garage.
 

We never had a plant in that spot before; but it seems to be doing fine there, and I like being greeted by the cheerful message on the pot when I pull into the driveway. Even though it’s just a simple, ordinary little thing, it gives a pleasant and comfortable feeling to coming home. That moment of impulsive shopping turned out for the best after all.  I try to avoid randomly buying stuff just because it looks pretty, as that’s how the house ends up full of clutter; but there’s also something to be said for buying occasional small items to brighten up one’s home and life.

Nurturing Thursday was started by Becca Givens and seeks to “give this planet a much needed shot of fun, support and positive energy.” Visit her site to find more Nurturing Thursday posts and a list of frequent contributors.

In addition to getting rid of clutter, my spring cleaning this year has focused on dusting and polishing neglected areas. Railings, baseboards, and other such places can go a long time without much attention being paid to them, unless a person has a thorough cleaning routine that gets to them without fail, on a regular schedule. Which I’ll admit, I don’t.
 

Feng shui consultant Kathie Seedroff points out that our living spaces reflect the metaphors that govern our lives. The little things we encounter every day frame our overall experience of the world. In her ebook Hey! It’s Feng Shui Friday, she says:

Often our state of being is described in words by what’s going on in our homes, offices and lives. Take a look at these examples. If your goals feel ‘out of reach,’ look to see what is ‘out of reach’ in your home or office. Are the shelves ‘out of reach’? Are things ‘out of reach’ because they’re hidden/stored in the back of a cabinet or behind other stuff? Do you feel like you never have enough ‘time’ or are you never ‘on time’? Pay attention to the number of clocks and timepieces you have. Are they all working? Are they set at the same time or different times? Notice the words you use and find the metaphors in your spaces.

Reflecting on this advice made me notice that I had been using the metaphor ‘dust and cobwebs’ to refer to neglected areas of life in general. So I decided it would be a good idea to look around my house and see where dust and cobwebs might be lurking. By giving those neglected areas a good dusting and polishing, I can ensure that every day I see a well-cared-for house with nice shiny surfaces, thus subconsciously shifting my perspective toward seeing abundant care and nurturing in my life. This in turn leaves me feeling more cheerful and optimistic that everything will be taken care of properly. Although housework may seem like it doesn’t matter much, as time goes by all those small things we do (or don’t get around to doing) really add up and make a difference.

Nurturing Thursday was started by Becca Givens and seeks to “give this planet a much needed shot of fun, support and positive energy.” Visit her site to find more Nurturing Thursday posts and a list of frequent contributors.

How do you nurture yourself on a day when you’re feeling down? Sarah Ban Breathnach, in her book Simple Abundance, suggests two alternatives: Eat some good comfort food and go to bed, or shift gears by getting fixed up nicely and going out. In either case, just remember that the day will soon be over, and that there’s always a gift to be found in even the most discouraging day.
 

Last week, I was feeling a bit stressed because of some disruptive stuff that had been going on; and then I noticed that my watch battery was running down. My husband and I have a matched set of water-resistant Tissot watches, which have to be sent back to the manufacturer when they need the battery replaced. His watch battery lasts for many years, but mine doesn’t last nearly as long because women’s watches (and their batteries) are so much smaller than men’s. So I’d have to go without my watch for about a month, while feeling discombobulated the whole time.

My husband offered to take it to the jeweler’s for me, and I gave it to him before he left for work Friday morning. I reminded myself that I should just be happy to have a good-quality watch, my life is full of blessings, and replacing a watch battery is not a big deal. Still, it wasn’t much fun when I looked at my wrist out of habit and found no watch there.

I thought I’d probably have a quiet evening—just browse a few blogs and maybe do some reading on my Kindle. When my husband sent me a text message to say he was on his way home, he also said he’d gotten something for me. That added excitement to the day! I looked in the gift bag from the jeweler’s and found a new watch in there. It’s a style similar to the other one. I wouldn’t have thought of buying an “extra” watch for myself, just to wear for a short time every year or two, because that would have seemed too frivolous or extravagant; but what a lovely present it made!

Although not every stressful day literally ends with a present in a gift bag, I do believe there are gifts to be found in every day, whether they’re actual physical objects or something more abstract like a new insight on life. The key is to stay aware of what’s going on in the moment, so as not to overlook them.

Nurturing Thursday was started by Becca Givens and seeks to “give this planet a much needed shot of fun, support and positive energy.” Visit her site to find more Nurturing Thursday posts and a list of frequent contributors.

Over the weekend the weather was gorgeous here in Ohio. Almost like summer, we had bright sunny mornings, birds singing, and balmy breezes. Naturally, as might be expected of responsible adults, my husband and I spent Saturday morning finishing up the tax forms and taking them to the post office. Then he fired up the push mower for the first time this year, while I started cutting back some overgrown bushes that I hadn’t gotten around to pruning last fall. I also dug a few dandelions out of the flowerbed in the side yard, which will need mulch before I plant the flat of snapdragons I just ordered.
 

Sometimes I miss the little girl I used to be, waking up full of joy to be alive and running outside to play, maybe still in a nightgown. Why take time to dress when there were so many adventures waiting to be discovered? The world felt magical—like being inside the pages of a storybook, full of beauty and wonder. Without thinking twice about it, I would happily lie down in the grass and watch a bee buzzing in the dandelions.

Growing up often means letting one’s mind get cluttered with what-ifs. Instead of watching a bee in the dandelions, an adult might think: If I did that, I’d get grass stains on my clothes. The bee might sting me. A biting fly might decide I’m tasty, or a millipede might crawl up my sleeve. What if a curious skunk wandered too close while I wasn’t paying attention? Maybe even a rabid skunk—hey, it could happen.

Besides, lying down in the grass isn’t something that mature adults do. The neighbors might think I fainted, or fell and broke a hip, and call 911. Worse yet, someone might start a rumor that I was drunk and passed out. Gossip like that grows legs—why risk it? And what are those dandelions doing in my nice neat suburban lawn anyway? Better go get some weed killer before anyone notices them.

Although these worries may look ridiculous when written out like this, we routinely have all kinds of what-ifs sitting at the back of our minds with the other mental clutter. Often we don’t even notice because it has gotten to be such a matter of habit. We’ve filled our minds with socially-based expectations for how our days should go, and any deviation—or perhaps just the thought of a deviation—automatically triggers the scripts for our internal naysayers.

And even if it didn’t, chances are we’d get bored pretty quick watching a bee in the dandelions anyway. We no longer have that childish mindset of living in a magical world full of amazing discoveries. Unless we intentionally practice mindfulness, many of the things we loved as children don’t even cross the threshold of awareness once we’re adults. By then, our brains have become very efficient at subconsciously filtering out unimportant distractions: a bug in the weeds, no different from thousands we’ve seen before, no reason to notice it.

Realistically, we couldn’t get much done in today’s busy society if we lacked that filter and always got distracted by every little thing we saw. Experiencing a natural world rich in detail might have worked well for our hunter-gatherer ancestors, but it’s more of a liability to modern humans, now that most people’s work involves abstract mental tasks. We tune out the distractions because our adult responsibilities don’t give us much choice in the matter. Even so, I believe that our busy, task-oriented minds would be much refreshed by pausing, every once in a while, to notice the beauty in the dandelions before we spray them or dig them up.

Nurturing Thursday was started by Becca Givens and seeks to “give this planet a much needed shot of fun, support and positive energy.” Visit her site to find more Nurturing Thursday posts and a list of frequent contributors.

I had been wondering if I would see any crocuses in my garden this year, after such a long, cold winter. The spot where they are planted faces north and doesn’t get as much winter sunlight as some other parts of my yard. Usually they bloom in early March, but there was nothing at all emerging from the hard-frozen ground when I looked a month ago. They did start coming up eventually, though, and are just starting to bloom.
 

This week I’ve been reflecting on patience and the natural growth process vs. to-do lists and schedules. It’s all too common for people in today’s busy world to feel rushed and overloaded, not because of having daily tasks that actually require huge amounts of time and effort, but simply because there is always something more on the to-do list. Rather than finishing our work for the day and enjoying a peaceful evening, we think ahead to the errands planned for tomorrow, the business meetings next week, and so forth.

Now that it’s April, I am one-quarter of the way through my 2014 resolution to discover and comment on a positive blog every day. Several people have complimented me for this resolution, while also telling me that they wouldn’t have the time for it. In all honesty, not being perfect, I have occasionally missed a day and then made up for it by visiting two blogs the next day. Staying on schedule is not what’s important here; what matters is the incremental growth throughout the year, however it may be accomplished.

As for how to find enough time for projects in general, I believe that a childlike perspective of “play time!” can make a world of difference. In our culture, we get used to filling our days with scheduled tasks to be completed. Then we veg in front of the TV or find other mindless entertainment to give our brains some downtime, but that doesn’t completely distract us from the piles of stuff waiting to be done tomorrow, and every day after that. Life starts to feel exhausting. New projects become stressful commitments of time we’re afraid we might not have, rather than just being fun ideas for something we’d like to do.

I have to confess I almost fell into that trap when the idea of visiting a new blog every day first occurred to me. The task-scheduling part of my brain promptly kicked in with criticism—had I totally lost my sanity, putting 365 new items on the to-do list for the year? How was I ever going to manage that? And because it would take different amounts of time depending on how quickly I found a positive blog on any given day, I couldn’t even block out a nice neat defined chunk of time for planning purposes.

Then I realized I should be looking at it as a daily adventure—a journey or quest, instead of a series of scheduled tasks requiring detailed advance planning. Back when we were kids and went outside to play after school, we didn’t have calendars telling us to play tag from 4:30 to 5:30 on Mondays and to pretend we were astronauts from 4 to 6 on Tuesdays. We just walked down the street and asked our friends what they wanted to play; and if we changed our minds about it, well, that was okay too.

I do recall making a daily schedule for pretend games when I was six or seven years old, just to amuse myself after looking at my dad’s daily planner, because I thought the idea of having such a regimented life was hilarious. Little did I know…

That’s not to say we should all throw away our schedules and lists. Life really does get complicated in the modern world, and often it’s useful to plan our daily tasks. But we don’t need to take it so seriously that we let those to-do lists control every moment of our lives. They should be helpful assistants, not tyrannical masters. Not everything needs to be done on a schedule. To-do lists can be much improved with a bit of imagination. Pretend you’re a little kid again and put stickers on the pages—smileys, rainbows, and cheerful affirmations. Write in some reminders to watch the sunset, imagine castles in the clouds, and just breathe.

Nurturing Thursday was started by Becca Givens and seeks to “give this planet a much needed shot of fun, support and positive energy.” Visit her site to find more Nurturing Thursday posts and a list of frequent contributors.

Toward the end of January, while shopping online for something to brighten up those dark winter days, I bought a necklace of crystals in cool, sparkling colors. It went nicely with two new sweaters I’d gotten over the holidays, and it also felt like it gave me a much-needed boost of refreshing energy.
 

Sometimes, without really thinking about it, I would find myself fidgeting with the necklace, just letting the crystal beads run through my fingers. People nowadays tend to feel self-conscious when they realize they’re doing something like that. There’s a risk someone else might judge it to be weird, inappropriate behavior. Nobody wants to be seen as weird or abnormal, so it’s easier just to put the beads away if there’s any chance of being noticed fidgeting with them.

And that’s a pity. As I see it, we’ve collectively done ourselves a great disservice by letting a narrow cultural construction of normality deprive us of such harmless ways of calming ourselves. Before the modern era, our ancestors often carried worry beads and rosaries, believing it perfectly normal to use beads for prayer and self-soothing when in public places. In some parts of the world, such as Greece and the Middle East, it’s still commonplace to carry a string of worry beads and to click through them while walking through a marketplace or having a conversation.

Our complex, rapidly changing society is difficult enough to deal with in itself. If we’re always avoiding simple ways to calm and nurture ourselves because other people might think we are weird, then we end up with another layer of pressure on top of everything else, and there’s no outlet for it. It’s not surprising that so many people in today’s world are hugely stressed out. Reclaiming our ancestors’ comforting old traditions such as worry beads would go a long way toward calming our minds, quieting those old nagging fears, and empowering us to love who we are right now.

Nurturing Thursday was started by Becca Givens and seeks to “give this planet a much needed shot of fun, support and positive energy.” Visit her site to find more Nurturing Thursday posts and a list of frequent contributors.

Often it’s the little details and ordinary rituals that determine our happiness, rather than the major events and big-ticket purchases. Although our consumer culture insists that comfort has a price tag, what we buy doesn’t necessarily change how we feel about ourselves. Arranging things comfortably can make a lot more difference. An expensive new car, for instance, may not make driving all that much more pleasant if the garage is full of junk and the car has to be parked outside in the snow and ice.

This winter I’ve made a point of keeping a glass fruit bowl on the kitchen table, filled with navel oranges, McIntosh apples, and bananas. It’s meant to be a symbol of abundance in general; but I have noticed that there are also more specific positive effects, in addition to general feelings of well-being.
 

When the kitchen table lacks a centerpiece, it tends to get used as a shelf and to get covered with clutter. That in turn causes depressing feelings of disorganization and time pressure, such as that the house is a mess and it will take forever to get everything clean. If I let those feelings get out of control, I’m likely to neglect some household chores and end up with a real mess. A fruit bowl on the kitchen table avoids this unfortunate result by making clear, through its presence, that the table has been arranged with care and is not a random junk repository.

Keeping a fruit bowl where I’ll see it every time I walk into the kitchen gives me an effective visual prompt for healthy eating. Even though I know that fruit has a lot of good nutrients and fiber, if the fruit is tucked away in the refrigerator drawer then it’s “out of sight, out of mind,” and other, less healthy snacks may come to mind instead. Seeing the fruit makes me more likely to think “Yum, apple,” and eat it.

McIntosh apples are my preferred variety, but the supermarket where I regularly shop no longer stocks them; it seems they’re not as popular as they used to be. So I have to make a trip to another store just to buy apples. At first I thought the extra errand was a nuisance; but on reflection, I’ve decided to consider it a self-nurturing ritual and to be grateful for it. Every time I see McIntosh apples in the fruit bowl, they subconsciously improve my mood by reminding me that I am willing to go out of my way—literally—to do small things to make myself happier.

And one more thing about eating fruit – it’s a great opportunity for mindfulness.

Nurturing Thursday was started by Becca Givens and seeks to “give this planet a much needed shot of fun, support and positive energy.” Visit her site to find more Nurturing Thursday posts and a list of frequent contributors.