Meg Evans

This post is longer than the usual Nurturing Thursday entry, but please bear with me because it is meant as a continuation of last week’s half-baked post, and I hope it will make more sense! Before I got distracted by drama on someone else’s blog about a plagiarism incident, I had planned to write about social relationships in the modern world and how fragile they often seem. Sometimes it feels as if there is nobody we can count on to help us get through life—no safe ground.
 

Later I realized why I hadn’t been able to write on this subject while distracted by online drama. It’s all part of the same problem! In the small villages of long ago, people relied on their family and neighbors for survival. But in today’s world, where we just drive to the store and buy whatever we want, it feels like everybody is on their own. It’s good that we have more choices in the modern era—we are free to leave an unpleasant job, an abusive spouse, or a neighborhood we no longer enjoy. But the flip side of having so much freedom is that nobody has to stay with us either, and that feels very scary.

About five years ago, I was involved with an online community that fell apart. Efforts to punish bad behavior (such as by demanding that everyone delete their links to a blog where sexist stuff had been posted) went too far and left the community divided into several warring camps. Nasty gossip and conspiracy theories ran wild. As Elizabeth mentioned last week in my comments, online wrongdoing has to be punished so that the community can feel safe and enjoy blogging. But where do we draw the line to ensure that the punishment doesn’t end up being uglier than the crime?

Our ancestors’ villages had plenty of arguments and gossip too, but there were natural constraints. People knew that they couldn’t get too nasty with each other because they would need help if their barn caught fire or some other calamity happened. But in the modern world, we don’t need our virtual neighbors any more than we need our real-life neighbors. There is always somewhere else we can go; and of course, they don’t need us either. They’re free to tell us to shove off, as rudely as they want, whenever they feel like it.

So, when we put emotional energy into building relationships, it always feels risky. While I don’t expect anyone reading my blog would decide (for example) that I need to be punished for writing a bad Nurturing Thursday post last week, unexpected stuff happens all the time. There is never any certainty because the old rules of social interaction have gone out the window. Some of that is good because we have been clearing away ignorant prejudices, but some of it leaves us feeling vulnerable and anxious. How do we build a culture where people respect, value, and support each other just because it’s the right thing to do?

Nurturing Thursday was started by Becca Givens and seeks to “give this planet a much needed shot of fun, support and positive energy.” Visit her site to find more Nurturing Thursday posts and a list of frequent contributors.

I had planned to write on a topic suggested by Elizabeth in last week’s comments—the anxiety that comes from not having many close friends or knowing who will be there for us when we need help, as contrasted with our ancestors’ experiences in small, close-knit villages. But instead, I got into a conversation on another blog about standing up for oneself while also maintaining a kind and positive tone, and where to draw the line so as not to react unkindly out of anger.
 

How do you find the right balance between standing up for yourself online and avoiding unnecessarily negative situations? If someone wronged you online, such as by copying your material without permission, would you publicly demand that they take it down and apologize, in the hope of putting a stop to their bad behavior? Would you decide that the negative energy wasn’t worth it and, after trying to resolve the matter privately, just let it pass? Or would you take legal action? What would you consider the kindest and most self-nurturing way to deal with a situation like that?

Nurturing Thursday was started by Becca Givens and seeks to “give this planet a much needed shot of fun, support and positive energy.” Visit her site to find more Nurturing Thursday posts and a list of frequent contributors.

Humans, by nature, are a social species. We rely on others for so much in our everyday lives; but all too often, we take that for granted. When we get overloaded with responsibilities and to-do lists, we may feel obligated to do everything ourselves, without expecting help. If that goes on too long, we start to take pride in being so tough we don’t need anything from others. That’s when a major shift in perspective is needed.
 

A suspension bridge is a masterpiece of engineering—a complex arrangement of trusses, cables, and towers, all perfectly aligned. But if we’re preoccupied with the traffic and our errands, we might not even notice what’s holding us safely above the water. As for the city in the distance and the world beyond, we rely on them to supply all our needs. In the modern age, our food, water, shelter, and clothing all come through the work of others. Being tough and self-sufficient is just a story we tell ourselves! We’d do much better to consider all the ways we are supported as we go through life, and to cultivate gratitude for them.

Nurturing Thursday was started by Becca Givens and seeks to “give this planet a much needed shot of fun, support and positive energy.” Visit her site to find more Nurturing Thursday posts and a list of frequent contributors.

When I consider what to write for a Nurturing Thursday post, I start by reflecting on what I’ve learned over the past week about how to nurture myself better. Usually, something comes to mind from my recent experiences, or perhaps I notice changes that have taken place over a longer period. Although I still wasn’t sure what to write for this post when I considered it last night, I realized that I was taking better care of myself just by thinking about it! Simply making time to reflect on self-nurturing is a valuable practice in itself, just as going to the library or downloading e-books regularly are ways to create opportunities for learning. Even if no significant insights happen on a particular day, the chances of learning something useful are much improved.
 

I would also put reading blogs regularly in the category of valuable learning opportunities that promote self-nurturing, provided they have a consistently positive tone and contribute to nourishing the souls of the readers. That’s why I set aside time every day to read positive blogs! And I am grateful to have found the Nurturing Thursday community because the weekly reminder to focus on self-nurturing has been so worthwhile. I hope everyone else involved is enjoying it as much as I am!

Nurturing Thursday was started by Becca Givens and seeks to “give this planet a much needed shot of fun, support and positive energy.” Visit her site to find more Nurturing Thursday posts and a list of frequent contributors.

I planted a row of willows in my backyard in 2006, thinking they’d be well suited to an area that was lower than the surrounding terrain and often got soggy in the spring. They were so tiny that I had to put cages around them so they wouldn’t get nibbled to death by rabbits. And although they did indeed thrive on all the rain and snowmelt in the spring, they needed plenty of watering through the summer. It took a while, but now they have grown into a lovely, tall, solid hedge.
 

Also in 2006, an educational charity of which I am a board member was incorporated—the Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN), headquartered in Washington DC, which teaches leadership and self-advocacy skills. Like the willows, it started out tiny, with just a few volunteers. But over the years it has grown into a stable corporation with a solid track record of grants and projects, and will be celebrating its eighth anniversary next month. (Here’s a link to the Gala Registration Page for anyone who will be in the DC area on November 12th and would like to support ASAN’s work by attending!)

It’s not quite three years since I started my blog, but I have the same feelings of positive growth and solidity with regard to my writing. At first I didn’t post as often, got fewer comments, and wasn’t as organized with the blog as I wanted to be. This year it’s all flowing more easily, I feel more connected to the blogging community, more content has built up in my archives, and I’m having more fun overall! It’s really amazing how much power there can be in the small things we do over time.

Nurturing Thursday was started by Becca Givens and seeks to “give this planet a much needed shot of fun, support and positive energy.” Visit her site to find more Nurturing Thursday posts and a list of frequent contributors.

As another year approaches, many of us choose a word or symbol to represent an intention for the new year. While it may still be a bit early for that as we’re only halfway through October, I happened to notice a figurine while browsing on Amazon last week that felt just right for how I’d like next year to go! So I went ahead and bought it, found a place for it in a sunny room where I’ll see it regularly, and took this photo.
 

The title is Release Dreams Fairy Holding Dragon (I’ve made that into a link to the Amazon page for anyone who might be interested).  It gives me a lovely visual reminder of what I want to do in the upcoming year—release my dreams to fly free and grow into something beautiful! And I do believe that seeing it every day will keep my thoughts focused on bringing more positive, creative energy into my life.

Nurturing Thursday was started by Becca Givens and seeks to “give this planet a much needed shot of fun, support and positive energy.” Visit her site to find more Nurturing Thursday posts and a list of frequent contributors.

As children, we sought out comfy little hidey-holes almost by instinct. A favorite spot might have been a branch halfway up a backyard tree, surrounded by colorful autumn leaves. Or maybe we had a secret cave inside a closet where we went on imaginary adventures with a storybook and flashlight. It was all ours, and it was great fun. Pets like to find and claim cozy little spaces around the house, too!
 

When we grow up, though, it’s not so easy to find places that feel like our own comfy space. Maybe we’d like to sit and relax with a cup of tea and a good book on a rainy weekend; but there isn’t even enough room for a teacup on the kitchen table because it got so full of clutter, and someone else already took the couch and settled in to watch TV. And of course, sitting in a tree or closet while reading the book is not something a grown-up would even think of doing! So, instead of enjoying a restful afternoon, we end up cleaning off the kitchen table again…

That can go on for many years while we assume it’s just the way adult life goes. But eventually, after neglecting our need for restful places, we start to develop symptoms of Comfy Space Deprivation—stress, tiredness, and general blah feelings. Fortunately, there is a cure. Instead of letting everyone’s junk pile up all over the house until finding a place to sit feels like a game of musical chairs, we can take control and get the house organized the way we want it.

Yes, we still have the power to create comfy spaces, just like when we were children! Although we probably wouldn’t want to hide in a closet like our six-year-old former self or climb up on a shelf like a puppy, even if we were small enough to do it, there are plenty of other options to creatively decorate our own cozy little corner—a bamboo screen, a cheerful painting, our favorite music, and maybe a new chair if the budget permits. All it takes is a bit of time and imagination!

Nurturing Thursday was started by Becca Givens and seeks to “give this planet a much needed shot of fun, support and positive energy.” Visit her site to find more Nurturing Thursday posts and a list of frequent contributors.

Last weekend, my husband and I noticed that a board on top of our deck railing had gotten warped on one end and the screws had come loose. I thought at first that we might need a new board, but he said that we could just turn the warped board over and it would be fine. We had to scrape off some old wasps’ nests and other icky stuff that we found under the board; but after we cleaned it up and screwed the board back into place, it didn’t look nearly as bad anymore.
 

Sometimes life is kind of like that, too. Bad habits and negativity can leave us feeling like our lives have gotten a bit warped, or even make us wonder if we have a screw or two loose; but often all we need to do is to turn over something that we haven’t looked at in a while, scrape off the accumulated crud, and then go forward with the benefit of a different perspective.

Nurturing Thursday was started by Becca Givens and seeks to “give this planet a much needed shot of fun, support and positive energy.” Visit her site to find more Nurturing Thursday posts and a list of frequent contributors.

Today is a lovely sunny day, but over the past week there have been a few cloudy days as the weather turns cooler. Like many people, I find that the shorter days tend to affect my mood, leaving me with a dark and oppressive feeling. Although the leaves haven’t fallen yet, the sky looked like autumn with its heavy, lingering cloud cover when I took this photo—not a bit of blue anywhere to be seen.
 

After considering it, though, I realized that how I feel about the change of seasons is not outside of my control. The language I use to describe the weather is entirely my choice, and so I’ve resolved not to use words like “dreary” to describe dark cloudy days. When it comes to my mood, that is a self-fulfilling prophecy, and not one that I want to inflict on myself! From now on, if it is rainy or foggy or whatever, I’ll just use that simple descriptive term without adding a negative gloss to it. And if I notice something I like in a fall or winter day, then I’ll say that too!

Nurturing Thursday was started by Becca Givens and seeks to “give this planet a much needed shot of fun, support and positive energy.” Visit her site to find more Nurturing Thursday posts and a list of frequent contributors.

Last year I bought a Hamsa charm, handmade by an artist in Israel, to decorate an interior wall and bring peaceful feelings to my house. The wall, which never gets direct sunlight, looked like it could use some brightening up! I also hung a small suncatcher in a window, consisting of an angel and a crystal teardrop (shown in this post on a gray winter day). The suncatcher makes tiny rainbows, mostly on the floor. This morning I noticed that there was a rainbow directly on the Hamsa, and took a photo to share.
 

Although it may not seem like much, I’ve found that having little bright cheerful things around the house can go a long way toward keeping me in a good mood generally!

Nurturing Thursday was started by Becca Givens and seeks to “give this planet a much needed shot of fun, support and positive energy.” Visit her site to find more Nurturing Thursday posts and a list of frequent contributors.