Following up on last month’s post about sweaty hands while rowing, which stressed me out when I couldn’t hold the oars properly in a 5K race in early October, I had the same problem rowing at the Head of the Charles two weeks later. I drank plenty of electrolyte mix before racing, but I wasn’t as well rested as I should have been, and I drank too much coffee that morning. That got me wondering if I might do better if I abstained from coffee for a while.

So, I gave up caffeinated coffee and tea for three weeks, drinking only decaf until the end of the fall rowing season. That didn’t make the problem go away, either. It just made me feel cranky. I had been cheerful and optimistic when the season started, but by November I felt lost without a clue, wandering aimlessly.

Last week, after my final race of the year, I went back to drinking coffee—just one cup—each morning. As far as I can tell, a small amount of coffee doesn’t make me sweat more on the rowing machine. Even if it did, that wouldn’t matter anyway because holding the machine’s handle is a much simpler motion than sculling. My hands won’t be a concern in the spring either; for Masters rowers, the spring races are 1K sprints, which take about four minutes, so they’re already over before I’ve had time to build up much of a sweat.

Hopefully, by next fall the problem will have gone away. Until then, I am just going to enjoy my coffee and not worry about what might—or might not—happen many months in the future.

Word-art that says, "Not all who wander are lost. Most of them are just looking for coffee."

Sometimes, thinking of all that needs to be done to change the world can feel overwhelming. When that happens, I find it helpful to sit in silence, feeling the peaceful rhythms of my breathing and of my heartbeat. Not everything can be done in this moment, I remind myself—but, with kindness, much can be done.

Word-art that says, 'Hearts that beat to the tune of kindness can change the rhythm of the world."

Nurturing Thursday was started by Becca Givens and seeks to encourage self-nurturing and to “give the planet a much needed shot of fun, support and positive energy.”

All parts of this story are consolidated on one page here.

Ina, wearing a faded but clean dress that fit reasonably well, sat in an oversized chair on Nellie’s front porch, piled high with embroidered cushions. Her bandaged feet rested comfortably on a feather pillow on a low stool. A table held a teacup and a large plate overflowing with apricot scones. Beyond the porch, in the hazy afternoon sunlight, bees buzzed serenely in a flower garden along a white picket fence.

Summer flowers, a bee, and a white picket fence.

Nellie hovered like a hummingbird, full of nervous energy, pouring more tea into Ina’s cup and pacing from one end of the porch to the other. Inside the cabin, Mabel and her little brother Godfrey were napping. Mabel had woken briefly, murmuring “Mama,” when Nellie stripped off her wet clothing and put a clean gown on her, but then she had fallen back to sleep.

Hammering and clattering could be heard from across the yard, where Nellie’s husband, John, was busy repairing a shed. Ina suspected he was working nearby to keep a close watch on her, given Nellie’s evident fear of witchcraft. In truth, Ina couldn’t have posed much of a threat to anyone at present. She felt weak as a kitten, and just reaching for a scone made her shoulder start to ache.

“Are you quite comfortable, Ina? Do you need anything more?”

A gray cat ran across the porch and leaped into the grass. Nellie’s gaze followed it for just a moment before darting back to the doorway. The children still slept quietly.

“I’m fine, Nellie. Sit down and have some tea yourself, why don’t you?”

Taking much slower steps, Nellie got herself a cup and sat directly across the table from Ina, with her chair pushed back so far that she could barely reach the table. Not meeting Ina’s eyes, she looked down at the cup but did not make any move to lift it.

Ina gentled her voice. “I won’t harm you, Nellie. I am a healer, taught to serve always with love.”

She turned the word over in her thoughts, seeking certainty. Healer. Yes, she could claim that status now. It seemed as if ages had passed since she had tried—and failed—to summon healing energy in the infirmary where Phoenix was recovering from a broken leg. It had only been this morning, though.

“Why do you fear the witches of the Wild Forest?” Ina took another sip of her tea, which tasted of lemon and soothing herbs. “Have any of us ever done you any harm?”

Finally glancing up, Nellie opened her mouth as if about to speak, but then closed it again. Her hands clenched around the edge of the table.

Ina took another scone and bit into it, waiting patiently.

“Six years ago, on Midsummer’s Eve—the witches killed my sister.”

This week, I couldn’t summon enough energy for writing. The world feels as if it is rushing over a waterfall. Although many things are out of my control, I can choose to take enough time to rest. I am not obligated to push myself to do better, work harder, or impress anyone with my diligence. I can consciously decide to slow down enough to create a safe space in which to heal.

Word-art that says, "When it all feels too much. When I can't stop scrolling, numbing, eating, distracting. When I can't get out of bed or get dressed after my shower. I will know this is a part of me with a clear message. I will meet this part of me with a compassionate nod of my head, and with my hand on my heart I will understand that I have been holding far too much for far too long. I will let myself slow down. I will create safety for my pain to be heard and my body to rest." -Rebekah Ballagh

Nurturing Thursday was started by Becca Givens and seeks to encourage self-nurturing and to “give the planet a much needed shot of fun, support and positive energy.”