I have three large hostas in my front garden. A neighbor gave them to me long ago, when she discovered that she had bought a few more than she needed. Three years ago, I posted a blog entry called Room to Grow, about moving the hostas when they grew larger than I had anticipated. Life is full of assumptions that need revising, I wrote, and such tasks are best done promptly.
 

Three large hostas in bloom. 

The plants have been thriving in their new location. All they needed was a little more space! Often that’s true in our own lives, too. When we feel stuck and frustrated, maybe we shouldn’t just try to get used to the annoying situation. Instead, we might do better to move things around and give ourselves more space to keep on growing!

Nurturing Thursday was started by Becca Givens and seeks to “give this planet a much needed shot of fun, support and positive energy.” Visit her site to find more Nurturing Thursday posts and a list of frequent contributors.

July 19, 2015 · 2 comments · Categories: Musings · Tags:

Sorry about the title, but this week’s topic left me wanting to make silly frog noises! When my son was in high school, he made a ceramic frog for me to put in the garden. I must confess, I didn’t take proper care of it but left it outside when the weather turned cold, and it froze and cracked apart in all the places where it had been glued. Then I gathered up the pieces and put them in a shoebox, as I didn’t want to throw away a nice handmade gift. My son said that he would put it back together, but then he went off to college, and the shoebox sat in the basement for years.
 

Pieces of a yellow ceramic frog in a shoebox along with a rock for its base. 

While cleaning things up, I asked my son if he still wanted to glue the frog back together. He said yes, he’d get around to it sometime. So I gave him the shoebox. If he does indeed reassemble the frog, I’ll be more careful and find a good safe place for it indoors! And if not, well, at least I won’t have a dusty old shoebox taking up space in the basement anymore.

About Clutter Comedy: Every Sunday (which I envision as a day of rest after a productive week of de-cluttering) I post a Clutter Comedy article describing my most memorable clutter discovery of the week. Other bloggers who wish to join in are welcome—just post a link in the comments! There’s no need to publish any “before” photos of your clutter, if they are too embarrassing. The idea is simply to get motivated to clean it up, while having a bit of fun too!

We all have days when we feel stuck, like there’s nothing to be done with a problem. It feels like we got hold of a box that is shut tight, and no matter how hard we yank on the lid, it’s never going to lift up. But maybe that just means the box needs to be opened a different way.
 

Oval wooden jewelry box with five rotating vertical drawers, partly open. 

Sometimes we simply need to take a little time and consider the situation from other perspectives, asking “What else is here?” That’s when we discover much more is unfolding than we first imagined, and lots of unexpected treasures were right there all along!

Nurturing Thursday was started by Becca Givens and seeks to “give this planet a much needed shot of fun, support and positive energy.” Visit her site to find more Nurturing Thursday posts and a list of frequent contributors.

July 14, 2015 · Write a comment · Categories: Musings · Tags: , ,

Several years ago, I spent a lot of time doing charitable organizing work. I accomplished what I set out to do, but it got stressful at times because it was an ambitious project with only a small number of people, and we had to deal with detractors and negativity. In a recent conversation, this question came up: Did I “win” because I reached my goals? Or did I “lose” because I felt more stressed afterward?

Goals aren’t everything—they have to be considered with a view to the big picture. Getting stressed past one’s tolerance and soldiering on anyway is neither virtuous nor sensible. On rare occasion it may be necessary; but more often, it can and should be avoided through better decision-making.

That said, it also doesn’t make sense to run away from anything that might cause stress and bad memories. We can’t reasonably expect to have all good times and no worries. Friendships and relationships go through bad patches, work sometimes gets harder than usual, and becoming a parent means not only great joy but also great responsibility.

So I wouldn’t measure either winning or losing by a simple comparison of past vs. present feelings of stress or accomplishment. Such feelings do not necessarily mean that it would (or wouldn’t) have been better to do something else. There are many other factors to consider, and the question should go something like this: How would my present-day life, and the lives of my family and others, have been different if I had made another choice?

At that point we get into the realm of alternate history, with infinite permutations. For instance, would leaving a marriage to avoid the stress and bad memories of arguments have resulted in finding someone more compatible and living happily ever after, or would it have meant many depressing years of loneliness? Who can say? No matter what might have happened, there’s no way to go back and do it over, and future events are likely to change what’s on the scorecard anyway.

What’s important to keep in mind going forward is that experience teaches valuable lessons. If one of those lessons is that a high stress level was more damaging than it seemed at the time, that’s useful to know—it means that we now understand the value of setting healthier boundaries and creating calmer and more nurturing environments for ourselves. It certainly doesn’t mean we ought to kick ourselves around for being losers! Better to look at past experiences as a win* even if they were stressful.

*That is, with a life-lessons asterisk.

Going into the warm weather, I had to admit that although a light blue summer outfit in my closet had been pretty when new (too long ago!), it had seen better days. But I thought it might get through another season, and I hadn’t yet done any shopping for new summer clothes this year, so I kept it anyway.
 

Light blue summer clothes set, with cotton shorts and a lace top layered over a tank top. 

I wore it a couple of times, getting mildly annoyed each time when I saw the frayed spots and the broken threads—and then I asked myself, what the heck was I doing? Clothes are not precious gems, they’re just ordinary consumable items! Wearing worn-out old clothes because they haven’t yet been replaced is like eating spoiled food because the grocery shopping hasn’t been done. As excuses go, that one ranks somewhere between pitiful and woeful!

About Clutter Comedy: Every Sunday (which I envision as a day of rest after a productive week of de-cluttering) I post a Clutter Comedy article describing my most memorable clutter discovery of the week. Other bloggers who wish to join in are welcome—just post a link in the comments! There’s no need to publish any “before” photos of your clutter, if they are too embarrassing. The idea is simply to get motivated to clean it up, while having a bit of fun too!

Last month I posted a Nurturing Thursday entry with a photo of yellow daylilies in bloom next to my house. I mentioned in the comments that I also like orange lilies, but had not planted any. Much to my surprise, this week I found lovely orange lilies blooming in a gap in my neighbors’ hedge (shown in this post) where the deer trampled down the bushes long ago.
 

Orange daylilies blooming in a gap in a hedge. 

Just gorgeous! I don’t know whether the neighbors planted the lilies recently, or maybe they were there all along and never grew enough to bloom because the deer always stepped on them. I haven’t seen any deer walking through the hedge this year, probably because construction of new homes changed their usual paths. So it looks like the hedge is finally going to grow together, with orange lilies as a bonus, yay! Sometimes when we wish for things, they really do show up.

Nurturing Thursday was started by Becca Givens and seeks to “give this planet a much needed shot of fun, support and positive energy.” Visit her site to find more Nurturing Thursday posts and a list of frequent contributors.

July 5, 2015 · 4 comments · Categories: Musings · Tags:

Many years ago, I got a black dress with a shiny loop at the neckline, which was made of silver sequins. I have fond memories of events to which I wore the dress; but as time went by, the stitches in the loop drew up unevenly, so that with each washing it looked a bit less symmetrical. As much as I fussed with it and tugged it into place, it never looked or felt quite right anymore.
 

Black dress with silver sequin loop at neckline. 

Then I realized that because the dress no longer made me happy, the time had come to send it on its way, even if it was still wearable. We have so many choices and possibilities open to us in the modern world, but only a few of them can fit into our available space and time—so we have to choose wisely and make changes that give us more joy!

About Clutter Comedy: Every Sunday (which I envision as a day of rest after a productive week of de-cluttering) I post a Clutter Comedy article describing my most memorable clutter discovery of the week. Other bloggers who wish to join in are welcome—just post a link in the comments! There’s no need to publish any “before” photos of your clutter, if they are too embarrassing. The idea is simply to get motivated to clean it up, while having a bit of fun too!

Last week I got tagged by Jessica Edouard at Send Sunshine with the First Post Challenge, the rules of which are below:

– Copy-paste, link, pingback or whatever, your first post.
– State what type of post it was (e.g. introduction, story, poem).
– Explain why that was your first post.
– Nominate five other bloggers.

My first post, an introduction, is here, and I wrote it for the usual reason of telling readers a little about myself and my blog. Because that’s not much of a challenge response, I decided to put it together with a Nurturing Thursday entry about first efforts.

Birds sitting on a wire.

This photo of birds sitting on a wire was my first header image. I came across it while browsing Creative Commons images and liked its fun, cheerful, social vibes. After that I changed the header several times before settling on the current picture of sailboats in Sydney Harbour. Now that my blog is in its fourth year, its content also has evolved. In addition to the original theme of “stories and musings on modern life,” I regularly write entries about nurturing, positivity, and clearing away clutter both physical and mental.

As with any “first,” I couldn’t foresee just where the blog would go when I posted my first entry, but I jumped in to enjoy the adventure anyway! I’m very glad that last year I discovered the Nurturing Thursday group, whose posts always help to put me in a cheerful mood. To return the favor, I’m tagging five of the group’s members for the challenge. Have fun!

Ladyleemanila
Grace Notes
mazeepuran
Woman of Art and Mind
Inside the Mind of Isadora

Nurturing Thursday was started by Becca Givens and seeks to “give this planet a much needed shot of fun, support and positive energy.” Visit her site to find more Nurturing Thursday posts and a list of frequent contributors.

I didn’t get around to writing a Clutter Comedy blog entry last weekend, though I had good intentions. There was some disruption to my schedule, and also my husband upgraded our home computers from 32-bit to 64-bit Windows 7, which he said took a long time because it should have been done sooner. When tasks are left to wait longer than they should, there’s usually more work as a consequence. With software, there are more upgrades to install.

This is not even the final task; it’s all just preparatory to installing Windows 10 later this year, which will require buying more memory because operating systems have gotten enormous. That’s the way of things in the modern world—technology has given us much more capability, but keeping up with all its changes can feel like running frantically on a hamster wheel.

During my mostly unplugged weekend, I started thinking about how there’s not much difference between upgrading our gadgets and refurbishing our minds. If we let too many bad habits, outdated assumptions, and other mental junk pile up, then it’s harder to clear that stuff away than if we had done timely maintenance all along. Same thing with clutter in the house and weeds in the garden—there’s always something in need of attention that wasn’t a problem when we last looked.
 

Big leafy green weed between orange and yellow snapdragons. 

I have no idea how a weed resembling a small tree got into my snapdragons, when I’m sure it can’t have been more than a couple of weeks since I last did something in that garden…

Of course, our ancestors also had to do plenty of weeding and other chores, without benefit of today’s labor-saving devices. Their work couldn’t be neglected because if too many weeds got into the fields and choked out the crops, they might starve over the winter. Still, their lives were much simpler and more structured than ours, so they didn’t feel overwhelmed by the pressure of having to keep up with thousands of different things all at once.

We don’t really have to juggle huge heaps of tasks either—it just feels like we do, sometimes, because we haven’t yet settled into comfortable routines for such a fast-paced world. There are plenty of computer programs and smartphone apps to keep track of the little things. For example, my husband has a reminder in his Outlook calendar to run the self-cleaning cycle on the oven every four months, which was easy to do last weekend when it was cool enough that opening the windows was comfortable. Way easier than our ancestors had it, cooking over a hearth where they had to bring wood and sweep out the ashes every day. Their tasks rarely changed, though, so they didn’t have the stress of keeping up with to-do lists.

Our world has left behind the familiar customs and simple chores that once allowed people to go through their days without much need for conscious decision-making. We have many more choices now, and that means we need to manage and upgrade our choices proactively, so they don’t overwhelm us. It’s not just about getting used to new gadgets, either; the culture is changing rapidly around us, which means our assumptions are constantly being challenged. Sometimes everything feels like a leap into the unknown.

I am optimistic that as time passes, our society will develop more effective ways to help people navigate its complexity. The concept of supported decision-making refers to informal arrangements that assist people with disabilities in making choices. As I see it, people in general could benefit from having more structure and support in their lives. It’s not that modern humans are any less competent than our ancestors; we just live in a much busier world.

Somewhere deep inside our minds there’s a door to a place we don’t want to see, overflowing with heaps of scary old emotional baggage that we haven’t managed to clear away. We wish we could forget all about it, and most of the time we do; but when a present-day experience triggers those bad memories, the door swings wide open, no matter how many bars and screens we might believe we’ve put across it.
 

Scary-looking door set into crumbling concrete with rusty bars and a screen covering it.

(Creative Commons image via flickr)
 

What’s to be done about that door? More bars won’t solve the problem. Plant some nice pretty mental landscaping in front of it and make it less noticeable? Well, that might help a little; but really, it needs the same treatment as a real-life cluttered room full of ugly, rusty junk. Rather than trying to leave the door closed forever, we just need to roll up our sleeves and march confidently in there with a box of garbage bags, a bucket of hot soapy water, and a mop.

Nurturing Thursday was started by Becca Givens and seeks to “give this planet a much needed shot of fun, support and positive energy.” Visit her site to find more Nurturing Thursday posts and a list of frequent contributors.